Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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