last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
