He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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