we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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