Best friends brother. Beat that.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
