I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
