the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
