I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
