Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
