I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
