If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I had to cum in my sink.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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