The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize