I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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