He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Randomize
