its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
God, I missed his penis.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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