My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
