My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
