good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize