i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
