Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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