i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
