thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
