matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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