its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
