Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
