I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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