I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I bet he comes in French.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
