He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
