we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
