Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
