i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my shit smells like andre
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
