I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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