Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Welp...herpes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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