Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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