Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize