so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
