And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
