i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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