He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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