i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
do nipples grow back?
Randomize