i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
