angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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