Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
