Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
