Sponge bath it is.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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