someone threw a dead crab at me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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