After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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