idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
