Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
