My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
