once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Girls should come with a carfax report
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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