dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
