that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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