I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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