i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
