Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
