you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
