I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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