I want to stick my p in your. b.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We had to coat check the pizza.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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