we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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