We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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