I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
