i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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