My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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