A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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