someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
