North Korea, Best Korea!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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