I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
