This is not my ceiling
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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