I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
