your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize