Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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