I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
