So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
