You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
