He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
