Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
