Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
