i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
