im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
