you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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