He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
