If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
