is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
