hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
