you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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