Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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