Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
should my penis look like a turkey
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
