I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize