TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
