Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
