i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
