you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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