I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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