i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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