Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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