I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
