Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Holy shit dude........stairs
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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