i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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