I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
