Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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