All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
