So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is this like a preordered booty call?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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