need another drink. this is the easiest way
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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