Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
